They That Wait

5 years ago today, I was due to have my first child; a son.

Mr. B. and I were nowhere near financially ready for a child. I had stopped traveling as a background vocalist at 7 months pregnant, and Mr. B.’s part time retail store wage was our only steady income.
Despite the financial strain, we were greatly anticipating the birth of our son.
So many women who’d given birth before warned me that it was highly unlikely that I would actually deliver my son on or before his due date. Still, I spent every day hoping for strong enough contractions to send me into labor.

I walked.

I ate spicy foods.

I ate chocolate.

I enjoyed “marital pleasures” with Mr. B.

Nothing worked.

On January 9, 2006…I was STILL pregnant.

And I was NOT happy….for 3 reasons.

1. I knew that if my son didn’t come on his own during the next 7 days, my dr would insist on an induction. Being induced meant they’d use medicine to speed up my labor and cause the contractions to come steadily and harder than usual hoping the result would be the delivery of my baby boy. I was already apprehensive about labor. The thought of induction made my entire body tense.

2. I was so tired. I was so fat. I couldn’t see , let alone touch my toes. And as hungry as I always was, it seemed I was full within 2 bites from the fact that there just wasn’t enough room for a baby and food in my stomach any longer. Did I mention I was tired?

3. That due date had been branded in my mind, and I’d convinced myself that as long as I got to that due date; I’d have a healthy baby boy in my arms. January 9th was the finish line.

I learned a few things during that time.

I’m not a good waiter. I get impatient when I have to wait on something I’m already expecting to have or experience at a certain period in time.

I also learned that waiting promoted the fears I already had. The fact that my Bubs didn’t come when he was “supposed to “, made me fearful. Had I done something wrong? Was my baby healthy and developing correctly? Would this make delivering him more difficult? Fear overtook me, and I found myself unable to sleep during that last week of pregnancy with my firstborn.

But most importantly, waiting aided in our preparation. Suddenly, we realized there was more time to put the crib together. There was more time to put together a list of things we still needed. There was more time to read the pregnancy books that would assist in helping us care for our soon coming newborn. There was more time to lay in bed at night holding one another, praying together, sleeping 8 hours, and guessing who’s eyes and nose he’d have. There was more time to prepare…in the wait.

I am waiting…..again. Waiting on a different sort of delivery. I’m waiting on a deliveRANCE. An open door. A promise fulfilled.

Last January, we lost a lot, and I thought/hoped/assumed, we’d be in a season of total restoration by now.

But still we wait…..we pray…and wait.

Recently, the waiting consumed me. Emotionally, I was worn down. My body was reacting to the weariness in my spirit and it seemed I never had any rest.

But this morning, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the comfort and peace He sent to me 5 years ago …..when I was waiting….waiting….and waiting. Tired…and waiting.

I found this passage to be so encouraging….

“THE LORD IS GOOD TO THOSE THAT WAIT FOR HIM, TO THE SOUL THAT SEEKS HIM. IT IS GOOD THAT ONE SHOULD WAIT QUIETLY FOR THE SALVATION OF THE LORD.
FOR THE LORD WILL NOT CAST OFF FOREVER, BUT, THOUGH HE CAUSE GRIEF, HE WILL HAVE COMPASSION ACCORDING TO THE ABUNDANCE OF HIS STEADFAST LOVE;
Lamentations 3: 25, 26, 31, 32

Today, I have a creative, intelligent absolutely beautiful , blue-eyed 5 year old boy.
He’s healthy and more than I could have ever hoped for.
He’s my reminder that there is hope in the wait.

Hold on friend, hold on in the waiting.

It will all be worth it soon.